Try to envision a scene of a domino effect, as the last piece falls down, everything looks like a mess. SPIDER-MAN 3, with all its stacked plots, feckless villains, and the über dark-side spidey ego cockery, is a cluttered chaos. Spiderman shoots web, swings low and falls into the dreary jungle of superhero sequel failures. Damn, I thought SPIDER-MAN 2 was the best made superhero movie in history and was actually biting my tongue and gritting my teeth for this three-quel; now it’s official, this movie had spun a tangled web of disappointment.

This one of the summer’s throw-me-popcorns kind of entertainment shares the same problem with the recent PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END, there’s too much of everything. In PIRATES, there were too many characters, too many plots and too many things happening beneath the furrowed brows of Captain Sparrow and Lord Beckett. Here in SPIDER-MAN 3, there were too much villains, too much backstory, too much melodrama, and way too many tears shed. Plus, Mary Jane sings. Twice. And Peter Parker strutted, and danced.

Did I mention that there were too many villains? Enter Sandman. I believe Thomas Haden Church is a fantastic actor and his role in SIDEWAYS is such an inspiration for those actors nowadays who were lost in the Hollywood limbo of no recruitment, but unfortunately, he was wasted as the escaped con who broke into a Physics Matter lab (as though he never noticed the sign that said WARNING! KEEP OUT! for Christ’s sake! Is the world turning illiterate already?); and was then transformed into the aforementioned Sandman. I believe director Sam Raimi wanted his characters, even his villains, to have an emotional edge, putting backstories that would explain their nature and origin –but this one, putting a heart in the middle of a raging THE MUMMY-like sandstorm is definitely impossible.

Villain number two. Enter Green Goblin. Harry Osborn following the footsteps of his deceased father, and wanting to seek revenge to kill Spiderman slash Peter. And as the plot spins its wildly web, we see Peter hanging out with best friend-turned-enemy-turned-best friend-turned-enemy-turned-best friend-turned-enemy that we say “Enough with it!” Even knowing that Harry had supposedly acquired short-term amnesia from slamming his head on a pipe, it was still unforgivable. My annoyance really raged when Harry’s servant doused out a piece of information at the end that he could have given out earlier in the film and saved too much fighting. Now this might be a proof that the screenwriters were running out ideas already.

Villain number three. Enter slimy, yucky, grimy, unhealthy-looking piece of sh—oops, piece of black crawler which looked like a confused mix of gum, elastic rubber and spaghetti. It was Venom, the goo from a space rock. The origin was left unexplained and more so, why it followed Parker was also left unexplained. Topher Grace as Venom looked so brilliant but his character was mainly one-dimensional. There wasn’t too much room for gooey improvement.

Villain number four. Or shall I say pseudo-villain. When friendly-neighbour SPIDER-MAN was infected with the gooey crawler from space, he gets a new black suit that would make fanboys ooohh with awesomeness. But ditch out the black suit, we see the new Peter Parker character, he was transformed in and out. He becomes more evil, more horny, dancy-feely and more aggressive. If BORAT was a bit Westernised, Parker would act like him. Winking at women, dancing at Times Square like a low-rent boy and swashing that buckle with the hair that fell all over his place like an ignored punk-skater kid. Oh, the eyeliners before I forget.

Of course, as another impeccable definition of the term “blockbustering”, the special effects were slam-bang eye-popping amazing. From the face of Venom to the swaying of Spidey around the Manhattan skyline and skyscrapers, the smashing of buildings and cars, and the mons-terrific villain powers, all were incredible vistas.

It was the storyline that had a problem of its own.

There was even the love triangle between Mary Jane, Peter Parker and the new character Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard). Even without the influence of the gooey venom, Parker cheats on Mary Jane by kissing Miss Stacy as a reward for rescuing her. And there was also Mary Jane trying to flirt with Harry during his short-term memory loss episodes. What were the writers thinking about? Then the case of Uncle Ben’s death was resurrected, showing Sandman’s attachment as the convicted killer. Flint Marko aka Sandman tries to get money for his ill daughter then confesses that he didn’t kill Uncle Ben. Tough. I am not rooting for some shallow plot-making. Even the love story of Mary Jane and Peter Parker was put to test, from Mary’s career struggle to Peter’s job rivalry, up to the big finish with Mary Jane dangling way up high in some building, we knew we’ve seen it before, reminiscent of SPIDER-MAN 1. And oh, Spider-man was enjoying the glitz and glamour of fame.

Head scratching and shaking, it was a bit awkward to see Spider-man with his identity crisis. It was not only the character that suffers from this one, also the movie as well. Big-budgeted monster of a movie needs a tougher web spinning plot-wise. So it suffers with Peter Parker’s dilemma, it had no real identity and its crisis was just insufferable with this instalment running way too long. If they’re making SPIDER-MAN 4, just one villain please? And not too much of prodigal, unimportant plots.

RATING: C