It’s nearly summertime. Moviemakers dig their gold. Scriptwriters throw the Scriptwriting for Dummies out of the window. Cinemas would shake with tons of explosions. Plotlines don’t matter anymore. And if PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END would be released in any other time of the year but summer, I couldn’t have forgiven its throwaway popcorn bloatedness.

These PIRATES movies had always been a fun experience: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL was an unexpected surprise by Disney and a normal event for Jerry Bruckheimer (damn this bloke, he had produced gazillions of ka-ching already), DEAD MAN’S CHEST was even better with classic adventure scenes, loads of humour and a villain in the name of Davy Jones that rocked the whole ocean of CGI-created screen characters. I must admit, I enjoyed AT WORLD’S END including its ocean lore oddity, high-flying action scenes, blend of humour, horror, adventure, romance and a bittersweet ending that ends this trilogy in a good tone (well, so far as Bruckheimer’s eyes would turn into golden dollar signs again, there would have to be a likely PIRATES 4). However, in this three-quel, there are setbacks, failures, flaws and loads of stumbles. If you’re telling me that the definition of a really good movie includes a script overwrought with dialogues as though it had been written by a scriptwriter who had forgotten to edit after the whole thing was shot, and including a massive sea of a film filled with characters which almost half of them were completely useless to the major plot, and including a mischievous dealings with double-crossing, triple-crossing, quadruple-crossing pirates, and including a scene of a goddess revival turning into a giant that became one of the most goofy, laughable scenes that screamed of silliness ever filmed in history, and including a long climax in a maelstrom with our beloved characters seemed to have defied the force of gravity swinging from Black Pearl to Flying Dutchman – then sorry, I might have left my brain somewhere in the ridiculously white Davy Jones’ Locker. There are loads of inclusions in this third film, and running for 168 minutes or 2 hours and 48 minutes, fortunately it kept me awake (explosions perhaps or was it the roaring whirlpool?).

SPOILERS ALERT!

From the very beginning of the film, it felt uninspired or maybe odd (what’s the right word). It was a bit grim perhaps, seeing all these Tortugan dwellers involved in piracy being executed by Lord Beckett and then a young boy broke out into a silent song, as the whole villagers joined in chorus, continued by Keira Knightley’s Elizabeth Swann surreptitiously rowing the rivers of Singapore in her singing voice – I could have outrageously thought this was PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE MUSICAL. This has a dull opening, compared to DEAD MAN’S CHEST’s brilliant dramatic entrance of Swann in her wedding dress waiting under the rain. So the film continued and the pursuit of Chow Yun Fat’s assistance as Pirate Lord Sao Feng of Singapore didn’t do so much to the whole major plot and the first action sequence in Singapore was tedious.

Then there was the trip to the World’s End where Davy Jones’ Locker was supposed to be located. I could have imagined this place better than just introducing the world’s most nutty pirate ever Captain Jack Sparrow in a completely white-stoned desert with the Black Pearl ship. When Tia Dalma uttered that Sparrow was in a place worse than hell, the vision in my mind includes some forbidden, impenetrable depths of the ocean where eerie souls swam and light was void. But then again, Sparrow was a bit mental at that point. Place forgiven.

Then there’s the dealings between Sparrow and Beckett of the East India Trading Company, and double-crosses by Sao Feng, and another double-cross by Orlando Bloom’s William Turner and more triple and quadruple-crosses by Sparrow again. Such dealings convolute the whole plot. But then again, they’re all pirates. Identities forgiven.

Then there’s the rowdy Brethren Court composed of the Nine Pirate Lords held at the mouth-gaping set-piece of Shipwreck Cove. Hell, only Knightley’s former-damsel-in-distress-turned-Captain Swann, Johnny Depp’s Captain Sparrow and Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa were the useful bits, the rest of the Lords were utterly insignificant. The meeting scene was a scriptwriting mess as they try to inject jokes and gags in it, thanks to Keith Richards for appearing as Sparrow’s father Captain Teague. His face doesn’t need more prosthetics to make him more ruthless-looking. But then again, even though the meeting was a slight mess, politics is forgiven.

Then there’s the Calypso plot. This was where AT WORLD’S END somehow loses its grip. We somehow see the human side of Davy Jones and his backstory but freeing Calypso and turning her into a 50-foot woman felt outlandish, even more so silly. I just couldn’t see how a Scandinavian Kraken and a Greek mythology goddess being adapted together in a movie series. Now this couldn’t be forgiven because the emancipation of Calypso fell loosely plot-wise and didn’t resolve much of Davy Jones’ carve-your-heart-out story.

Finally there’s the climax: long, complexly shot, overexcited, overwrought, and impeccably defined the new term “blockbustering”. Somehow I liked the final battle scenes in the maelstrom with Flying Dutchman and Black Pearl swirling around it. Jack Sparrow flying with ropes as though Newton didn’t actually discover the force of gravity; Elizabeth Swann doing all-girl power with her swashbuckling gravitas; and don’t forget the wildest wedding ceremony ever. I just couldn’t help but notice also that the rest of the Pirate Lords were annoyingly a waste of time as they just stand on guard without doing anything but watch the Black Pearl-Flying Dutchman showdown.

There’s too many Johnny Depps in this film, and too much more of Keira Knightley which was nice. Depp, in all his swaggering form and faux-drunkenness, still rules the ship with a performance that saves the whole film out of the woozy depths. His Captain Jack Sparrow would remain to be one of the most iconic characters in cinema history now. The revival of Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbossa was splendid, and he adds to the fun of the ride. Chow Yun Fat as Captain Sao Feng was underused and didn’t do so much for the plot, except when he passed onto Elizabeth Swann his commanding position. Orlando Bloom was a tad steely but still made up for his screen Disney-ish charm. Keira Knightley is magnificent and she carried the performance really well as she bellowed Braveheart-ian cries. I feel sorry for Jack Davenport’s Commodore Norrington which was done and over with quite so suddenly, even though he had done so much for DEAD MAN’S CHEST, and for Naoime Harris as Tia Dalma slash Calypso slash 50-Foot Woman who was underdeveloped in the film. And of course, who could ever forget Bill Nighy as the tempestuous, overbearing, tentacle-faced Davy Jones with a performance as fierce as his stares.

AT WORLD’S END, there’s too much dialogues, too much unnecessary gags, too much insignificant subplots, and too much blockbustering. Thank God to the explosive climax and the bittersweet resolution of Elizabeth and Will’s story which add emotion to the rugged vista of tentacles and pirates. The classic swashbuckling swordfight in a rolling windmill at DEAD MAN’S CHEST is still unsurpassed, and ending a trilogy with this is both satisfying and disappointing. Satisfying because technically speaking, the visual effects in this film are jaw-dropping, very entertaining and absolutely superb. Kudos also to Hans Zimmer for creating the fantastic, almost Wagnerian, musical score. Disappointing because of its plot (and mostly the unnecessary subplots); it’s convoluted and they could have cut the film out of 30 minutes and they could still produce a sensible actioner. And its denouement, it felt as though it was taking forever to grab hold. Seriously, the film doesn’t know how to end its story.

For me it’s quite easy to say that out of the three, AT WORLD’S END is the weakest link. It’s not a bad film, mind you, but director Gore Verbinski might have lost his subtlety he had woven in his former Pirates films and rather pulled the strings way harder on this one. Maybe it’s just me who’s being too critical. Or maybe I’m like Johnny Depp who’s seeing alter-egos around me, starting to become mental.

RATING: B