Coming out after the film, I realised straight away that I had enough of superhero movies. From the summer’s overblown sequels and three-quels, from the crappy SPIDER-MAN 3 to the acceptably tolerable PIRATES 3 (oops, this wasn’t a superhero flick but Capt. Jack Sparrow was larger than life!), here comes the Fantastic Four with a new hubby, the sleek, glistening mass of mercury-like matter, the Silver Surfer. It’s not overly long, not superfluous, not wired with too many subplots; however, it struggles with loads of problems – it is surprisingly short, filled with crappy scenes, cheesy humour, predictable plotting, and most of all, the unsatisfying Galactus whirl of cosmological pretence.

Sure, it’s not a long film, as though director Tim Story had heard a leak of gossip before that SPIDER-MAN 3 was so epic that it runs for more than 3 hours, as well as the overwrought PIRATES 3, he made this FANTASTIC FOUR sequel a short one. Running for about 1 hour and 32 minutes, it still feels very short and all the events were so fleeting like the rush of the Surfer himself over the planet.Glad it’s not fidgety over its plot as they focused to one visitor from outer space and his hidden agenda, the Silver Surfer (brilliant CG motionry by Pan the Faun himself from PAN’S LABYRINTH, Doug Jones and voice my THE MATRIX’s Morpheus, Laurence Fishburne). As Sue Storm aka The Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) and Reed Richards aka Mr Fantastic (Ioan Gruffud) are about to be wed when wedding vows were disturbed by the arrival of a silvery thingee, with the ultra-magnetic electricity shutdown. Believe me, this is a big dumb movie as shallow as your waddling pool.

Chris Evans as Johnny Storm aka The Human Torch probably enjoyed his role as he brings so much charisma to screen and acts effortlessly, with humour and wit. All the rest, the humour in this film is so cheesy, crappy and not-so-laugh-your-arse shtick, gags and stunts. The wedding’s “skip to the end part” grub is so overused you’d think they’d run out of ideas and thought of it as a romantic comedy. Ben Grimm aka The Thing (Michael Chiklis) becomes a tad softer and his rock cracks don’t seem too engraved with his personality. Reed Richards looked so absurd with his “loosening up” in the dancefloor (second dance sequence in a superhero flick this year, c’mon! Give us a break!) Exempt the fun part where they accidentally swap powers.

I am not really a big fan of Fantastic Four, and I haven’t even seen the first one (gawd, pardon me, shame me face). After watching this, I have decided I will never become one. Plot-wise, there was a mix of being minimalistic and galactic-breadth exaggeration. A cosmic force arrives on earth and gives 8 days before its destruction and the appearance of the inevitable Galactus, which seemed like a remnant from the TWISTER flick. This is a very disappointing part of the film as Galactus, whom Silver Surfer swore fealty to, appears to be like a massive swirl of dark clouds eating the whole Earth. Was this Silver Surfer offered his allegiance to? Alright, we’re not that too stupid. Menace of galactic proportions, my arse. Central London was also destroyed by the arrival that they dig a hole on Thames River (the sequence in which impresses me most) and pulled London Eye out of its hinges (whoah!), finally they took advantage of its larger budget I believe.

But FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER does mediocre things. It is an ordinary superhero movie, and even feels like I was watching a morning cartoon superhero on the telly except they were replaced by live images and real people and places. This fails because it never attempts to be extraordinary. They might have fantastic powers but this film’s existence isn’t compelling enough to take our breaths away. Maybe 12 years old might be deceived, or rather entertained. Adults, all ears and eyes to the screen, crappy script and predictable plotline may come your way. Oh, before I forget, Jessica Alba is such a hottie but was mainly covered with blonde wig, prominent blue contact lenses and some evident skin tanning.

RATING: C