Welcome to the enfant terrible of the movie awards circuit. At this very moment, as you will know, all the red carpets have been rolled back and the sprinkles of stardust have already settled. The Academy Awards has just recently culminated the awards hoopla, the Golden Globes has been handed, Critics' Choice has been chosen, and BAFTAs has been bestowed, and just as when all is relatively calm and quiet -- the awards riot in The Moviejerk field is just kickstarting. But hey, no after-parties though. Here is an award-giving body (observe: just a guy, a self-possessed, self-confessed movie megalomaniac who bothers do this sort of thing) that bequeaths no shining trophies of gold. Here be no envelopes, no speeches, no fuss, no bullshitting. Hence after this, we can just all slip back to reality once again.
But for now, let's postpone reality for now. This is The Moviejerk Award's 5th year, and nothing has changed, pretty much, by the looks of this. As you can notice, this year, the awards poster pays homage to the good 'ol Westerns, which explains why the hell that golden guy is clutching a shotgun. But mainly, it honours this year's terrific Inglourious Basterds, Quentin Tarantino's revisionist Western-cum-World-War-II picture. For those who haven't seen it, it's gloriously cinematic. For those who have and hates it, stop frowning and pack away your history books with you, this is cinema, not a historical archive. Thankfully, then, Oscars this year have some good humour and an inkling of sense to recognise and nominate Tarantino's prowess, and also the sheer ability of this one woman who dominates the arena filled with men - Kathryn Bigelow. A bona-fide first-rate filmmaker, who detonated explosive bombs in The Hurt Locker, has just made Academy Awards history for being the first woman to win the Best Director statuette. From this, we have learned that 1) even an adrenaline-fuelled, ultra-masculine film can be intelligent, emotionally sensitive and psychologically numbing (that's a treatise to you, Michael Bay), 2) a woman can blow up some serious shit, and 3) ex-wife rules. That Oscars has opted for some serious gravitas and political and human-interest resonance, rather than some fancy, glittering, visual spectacle masquerading as an industry-revolutionising event. James Cameron, thanks for this "cinematic revolution" package offer, but no thank you. Even an animated film Up, with no 3D gloss package, has more emotional depth, ontological dimension and character development than Avatar. So enter Pixar's Up - probably the most existentialist of all animated films, ever. So you might question why The Moviejerk chose this tale about a man tethered to his flying house, above all films. Because it dares to question big things about life, and tells the story in the the simplest of ways imaginable. Simplicity, by the way, is never simple. That's the magic of cinema. If Charlie Chaplin were alive, you can go ask that man.
And because The Moviejerk is a mumblecore. End of.
Performances-wise, the Academy has preferred sheer force over nuanced subtlety, and Sandra Bullock rightly deserves that win. Her big, blustery, crowd-pleasing performance in The Blind Side is a sure-fire comeback, and ticks all the right Bullock boxes. Feisty, tempestuous, unapologetic yet with an iota of sensitivity. But The Moviejerk cannot, with all its heart, ignore Carey Mulligan's breathtaking, enchanting turn in An Education. She happens to meld charm with effortless grace, offset silliness with intellect, and mixes vulnerability with wise-beyond-her-years attitude. That is no mean feat for an actress who come from nowhere and has never graced the screen before in a major role. She is a major actress to watch out for. With the Best Actor category, whilst Jeff Bridges is spot-on as downtrodden country singer Bad Blake in Crazy Heart, which often feels like a rehash or a reincarnation of his The Dude figure in The Big Lebowski (even Bridges can play this role whilst sleepwalking), The Moviejerk cannot deny the unexpected, beautiful performance of George Clooney in the corporate satire with a heart Up in the Air. You'd think Clooney can never be this good, but he does and he pulls out his best cards on the table with this one, with one special ace that we've never seen before in the Clooney canon - human culpability. One faux pas, though, The Moviejerk hasn't seen Colin Firth's turn in A Single Man, so no protests. Tom Ford's film is technically slotted in the 2010 bracket. This awards looks back to the past year, January to December.
Anyway, enough with my ramble-shambles, and off you trot with the awards list.
MAJOR CATEGORY
BEST PICTURE
Up
Runner-Up:
The Hurt Locker
BEST DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Runner-Up:
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
BEST ACTOR
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Runner-Up:
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker
BEST ACTRESS
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Runner-Up:
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Christopher Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
Alfred Molina, An Education
BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Mo'nique, Precious
Runner-Up:
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up (tie):
Up
[500] Days of Summer
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Up in the Air
Runner-Up:
An Education
BEST FOREIGN FILM
The White Ribbon (Austria)
Runner-Up:
Departures (Japan)
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Up
Runner-Up (tie):
Where The Wild Things Are
Fantastic Mr Fox
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
The White Ribbon
Runner-Up:
Bright Star
BEST ART DIRECTION
Bright Star
Runner-Up:
Nine
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Nine
Runner-Up:
Bright Star
BEST MAKE-UP
Star Trek
Runner-Up:
Nine
BEST FILM EDITING
Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
The Hurt Locker
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Avatar
Runner-Up:
District 9
AWARDS BY GENRE
Best Action/Adventure Film
Inglourious Basterds
Best Animated Film
Up
Best Comedy Film
In the Loop
Best Drama Film
An Education
Best Foreign Film
The White Ribbon
Best Horror Film
Antichrist
Best Family Film
Where The Wild Things Are
Best Romance Film
[500] Days of Summer
Best Sci-Fi Film
District 9
Best Fantasy Film
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Best Thriller Film
The Hurt Locker
Best Documentary Film
The Cove
MINOR CATEGORY
COOLEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR
Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
[500] Days of Summer
WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR
2012
Runner-Up:
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
MOST OVERRATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR
Avatar
Runner-Up:
The Hangover
MOST UNDERRATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR
Where The Wild Things Are
Runner-Up:
Bright Star
BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE YEAR
[500] Days of Summer
Runner-Up:
An Education
BIGGEST DISAPPOINMENT OF THE YEAR
Avatar
Runner-Up:
Terminator: Salvation
BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Runner-Up:
Abbie Cornish, Bright Star
BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR
Christopher Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
Sharlto Copley, District 9
COOLEST MOVIE COUPLE OF THE YEAR
Carl & The Flying House (Ellie and her memory), Up
Runner-Up:
Tom & Summer, [500] Days of Summer
BEST ACTION SEQUENCE
Bomb Disposal Sequences, The Hurt Locker
Runner-Up:
The Finale Aboard the Zeppelin, Up
BEST KISS
Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel, [500] Days of Summer
Runner-Up:
George Clooney & Meryl Streep (as puppets), Fantastic Mr. Fox
BEST MOVIE LINE OF THE YEAR
"Climb the mountain of conflict? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews!", In The Loop
Runner-Up (tie):
"Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.", Up in the Air
"Ain't nobody love you, ain't nobody need you. Get your ass to the welfare!", Precious
MOST MEMORABLE SCENE IN A MOVIE
The 40-year, life-spanning montage of Carl & Ellie, Up
Runner-Up (tie):
A Nazi Visit in a Jewish Farmhouse Hideout, Inglourious Basterds
The Split-Screen Sequence of Reality Versus Expectations, [500] Days of Summer
MOST UNFORGETTABLE CHARACTER OF THE YEAR
Col. Hans Landa, Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
Carl Fredricksen, Up
BEST VILLAIN
Col. Hans Landa, Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
Mo'nique, Precious
ENSEMBLE OF THE YEAR AWARD
Inglourious Basterds
Runner-Up:
Nine
LONGEST MOVIE TITLE OF THE YEAR
Where The Wild Things Are
BEST MOVIE POSTER OF THE YEAR
[500] Days of Summer
Runner-Up:
Where The Wild Things Are
BEST MOVIE TRAILER
Where The Wild Things Are
Runner-Up:
Nine
BEST MOVIE TAGLINE
"See it with someone you ****.", The Girlfriend Experience
Runner-Up:
"There's one in all of us.", Where The Wild Things Are
Catch you all soon next year, y'all!
The Moviejerk (c) Janz
