Cast: Talulah Riley, Gemma Aterton, Rupert Everett, Colin Firth

Director: Oliver Parker

Screenplay: Piers Ashworth

Genre: Comedy/British Film

Running time: 1 hr 38 mins



CRITIQUE:


Here’s Britain’s answer to America’s onslaught of teenage fodder films, a remake of THE BELLES OF ST. TRINIANS, cutting it down short to something easily decipherable to the younger generation of mischief, just plain ST. TRINIANS. A notorious, riotous, calamitous all-girl school that’s supposed to break any rules laid down by any. At first, it sounds like a sorority gangster film, but after you have seen it, you’d wish it was. This is a terribly made film without any scintilla of filmmaking sensibility, coupled with an awfully written script as contrived as it feels wooden and forced. Every shot, every frame feels like an amateur exercise of someone that freshly been drowned in soda while watching a naff Saturday gag show on telly. Even offering a pernickety plot, it’s never funny enough and its gags fall flat.


Talulah Riley seems to be kooky enough to be the lead, but the rest of the gang just plainly serves as part of the moronic backdrop, some blonde-haired-and-blue-eyed babe named Chelsea who’s too blonde for her sake leading her bunch of Posh Tottys, the geeky freaks, and the Emos – all stereotypically designed to fit in the ludicrous fashion cutter. Save for Gemma Aterton, the soon-to-be Bond Girl, as the sultry elite Head Girl, who obviously wanted to inject some sense into the wild and raucous academia-gone-wild atmosphere. All the rest, Lena Headey, Catalina Mundrino, Toby Jones were underused, given what they have to do, which is to appear and look nerdy. Colin Firth’s presence is a welcome addition, and Rupert Everett’s double caper as the Headmistress and Riley’s father is an oftentimes hilarious yet forgettable performance. Lastly, Russell Brand looked like he existed in the film like the way he exists in the real life.


The film’s strength lies of the planning stage before the last act, the stealing of the Girl With The Pearl Earring in the National Gallery (the funniest line in the film probably goes to Chelsea for the Scarlett Johansson mistaken identity gag) – but incessantly, it just falls flat again hard on the cold stone floor by the time it goes Mission Impossible on us. Oh, please.



VERDICT:

Like a fully manufactured product, it’s all shiny and glossy but empty. At least, it’s branded as a comedy that does not refer to other products, yet still absent of any laughable gags.



RATING: C