Alright. Just before Oscars started handing out those nude golden man-trophies “like free iPods” to winners this Sunday night, 23 February, here’s The Moviejerk with some rants and protest on the Academy’s sense of choice over its nominations. Hell no, this is not writer’s strike again. But since, the writer’s strike is officially over and Oscars ceremony is finally happening, surely before the red carpet rolls out, before the gown-bitchery and who-wears-what hoopla begins and the fabulously teary-eyed acceptance speeches inundate the stage (as though holding out the golden trophy is a catalyst of an emotional-breakdown syndrome) – Oscars can’t get away with moans. Whilst I’m only nobody, that doesn’t make me bereft of my own opinions, and it’s a fact that the Academy can go wrong sometimes (they’re just a bunch of humans, for God’s sake). Here’s your serviceable The Moviejerk with his whinge (shout and protest!).



Complaint Number One: WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS ANGELINA JOLIE IN THE BEST ACTRESS LIST?!


She may be the world’s most paparazzi-d woman, the most globe-trotting actress, turning up from Cambodia to Ethiopia to Iraq (I wouldn’t be surprised if she turns up next in Afghanistan), the sexiest woman in the planet with the sexiest man as her hubby on her side – but that doesn’t mean she has already everything that she’d be snubbed for her much-deserved performance in A MIGHTY HEART. By the time the nomination was released to public, I’ve reacted with a manner so unimaginable that you’ve probably haven’t heard so much expletives being fired like raging bullets in your life. Well, that’s actually an exaggeration, but, what the £%^&*!!


Oy, you Academy voters! Listen. Ignoring Jolie for her terrific performance as Marianne Pearl is a riotous criminal act. Without a doubt, one of this year’s best performances by an actress, Jolie showed the world that she’s not only a goddess of epic proportions but indeed a true actress, not taking advantage of her persona. In A MIGHTY HEART, all you see is the character of Marianne Pearl, her courage under fire, her feistiness and her crumbling pathos in the heart of a gathering storm of terrorism – there’s no tabloid plethora of Jolie, stripped away from her uber-hotness, and she vanished into the role seamlessly. I thought the Academy voters are expert enough to recognise it. Whilst I’m no expert, it’s certainly apparent that even a person of no film knowledge could tell that a performance deserves an award or not.




In the Best Actress list, with the exception of Laura Linney in THE SAVAGES as I haven’t seen it yet, it’s Cate Blanchett’s performance as Queen Elizabeth I in ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE that’s an unnecessary addition. Blanchett’s act is as mighty as a storming wind, but compared to Jolie’s, the latter actress is more nuanced and grippingly realised than the ageing queen buried in frocks and big costumes. Julie Christie, meanwhile, in her mentally-challenged role in AWAY FROM HER is a quiet performance. In fact, it’s too quiet sometimes that you think if Christie is performing. She might be an effortless majesty of an actress, but playing her role as an Alzheimer’s patient only requires her to throw longing looks over the window and to the wintry landscapes, and even just look confused and befuddled, shed a tear or two, and act deranged and forgetful. Marion Cotillard is an unstoppable force in her Edith Piaf role in LA VIE EN ROSE and she truly deserved a nomination, or even a win, I wouldn’t be surprised. Ellen Page, the wisecracking smart-mouthed teenager, is a surprising nom but nonetheless, a deserving one that. But snubbing Jolie from even a nomination? Bloody bastards.



Complaint Number Two: WHY IS IT PENGUINS ALL THE TIME? WHAT ABOUT BEOWULF?


Looking back at Oscars past three-year run, it feel in love with the brilliant documentary MARCH OF THE PENGUINS, feeling cuddly over HAPPY FEET, and now SURF’S UP? What’s with the Academy why it is so penguin friendly? Alright, they’re cute creatures in this rotten Earth, but oh please, enough with it. If the basis of nomination comes with an “awwww” factor, then I’m afraid the Academy is turning into a melodramatic pun. So when Academy ignores the unlikely hero that is BEOWULF, it’s injustice in the making. For one, translating and revamping literature’s oldest English poem (the very first to have existed in literature memory) into something cinematic and vividly comprehensible, nevertheless entertaining, is a feat to behold. Another thing, the motion-capture technology that Robert Zemeckis used is a benchmark in animated history, albeit his zombie-fied THE POLAR EXPRESS. RATATOUILLE mostly deserves the plaudits for this year’s Best Animated Feature, but shutting out BEOWULF from a nomination – if Beowulf could have existed, he could have committed breaking-and-entering and slash your throats out.



Complaint Number Three: JOE WRIGHT, WHERE ART THOU?


I certainly don’t want to be called a moron, but perhaps only this time I don’t believe in the parlance “Do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you”. Sorry, but if others are too moronic in their choices, then I don’t care about what these others might do unto me. This is the scene: if you nominate and hail a film for BEST PICTURE (such as ATONEMENT), wouldn’t it be more pragmatic to distinguish and recognise the one behind its existence? Joe Wright made ATONEMENT. Although Ian McEwan’s source novel serves as the heart and spirit of the film, it was Joe Wright’s magnificent vision, craft, skill and intelligence that superbly captured every frame to impeccable perfection. So why bloody ignore the much needed Best Director nomination? That remarkable 5-minute long-tracking scene in Dunkirk beach is not only ATONEMENT’s ace but it’s a groundbreaking paragon of exemplary filmmaking. Sure, the Academy nominated it for Best Cinematography. But without the director’s input, it wouldn’t be all realised. Joe Wright, you’re still the man. Prove these dunderheads next time around with a mouth-hanging 20-minute tracking shot of Keira Knightley running around in the middle of a warzone. Not possible but, if you see what I mean, just prove ‘em wrong!



Complaint Number Four: JUNO, I DON’T THINK SO...


LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE did it last year, and it seems JUNO seemed to be following footsteps and becoming that small-indie-that-could-be. I liked JUNO, alright; it’s a quirky film thankfully with depth and meaning, rooted by indelible performances by Ellen Page and Jennifer Garner. But why is everyone making a big deal out of it? A story of a pregnant teen forced to give out her baby and declared a comedy isn’t so much of a satisfying decision. If it was a comedy, than I should have laughed at it harder than I did in KNOCKED UP (another criminally underrated unwanted-pregnancy film!). JUNO leaves a sweet impression after the credits roll out, but it’s absolutely not weighty enough to be an Oscar winner for Best Picture. It needs more gravity to hold itself down to the ground of gold. I just don’t get why Academy falls for the joke of calling people “Soupy Sales”, like what? Phuket, Thailand!



Complaint Number Five: FOR SURE, ACROSS THE UNIVERSE IS ARTISTIC ENOUGH!


Why, why, why ACROSS THE UNIVERSE is not present in the Best Achievement in Art Direction category is something the Academy should answer. It’s not only one of the most artistic musicals ever put to screen, but it’s also a reflection of the musical history’s most artistic band, The Beatles, and the film even laid tribute to Warholian psychedelic artwork that revolutionised the pop-art of the world. So why shut it out from the category? From the newspaper pages flipping as ocean waves roll, to the strawberries dropping like bombs, to the bizarre oddity of Mr Kite and his blue men, to the psychedelic magical-mystery burst of rainbow colours with Doctor Roberts, and the finale’s retro blast, this film is embroidered with so much creative craft that could radicalise the format of conformist filmmaking. It’s brazen and bold. However, Academy – you wimps.



Complaint Number Six: WHO THE HELL NOMINATES NORBIT FOR AN OSCAR?


We know Eddie Murphy transformed himself in the movie and looked like a giant of a woman, and the effect was ridiculously head-smacking. Effective though, but otherwise a horrible, horrible film, that NORBIT. Another fact as well, Oscars is the quintessence for elite and noteworthy abode of films and has a reputation of choosing only the best. But choosing NORBIT, that bad film? I was just thinking that Oscars might have taken a strong hold over its reputation, but certainly fails by choosing NORBIT. Oh my God, I can’t believe it, NORBIT... NORBIT... so disturbingly bad.




Complaint Number Seven: SUNSHINE, NOT VISUALLY STUNNING ENOUGH?


It’s not only compared to 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY but SUNSHINE is one of those films that nearly, just nearly, achieves that 2001 status, mainly because of that amazing, gobsmacking visual effects of the dying sun and those thrilling, slap-your-wits-out space sequences. Danny Boyle, if I were you, unleash your demon right now for the Oscars has completely snubbed that praiseworthy effort. We know TRANSFORMERS deserved the win for Best Visual Effects, but at least a nomination for a humble respect. And they call themselves pundits. Yeah, right.




So those were my seven surreptitious seething. The Academy may not hear it, but the only thing I’m fretting at is that they might do something stupid again (something makes me recall what they have done when Oscars gave out the prize to CRASH – resulting in the biggest upset in Oscar history, which rightfully belongs to BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN), and something comatosely aggravating (SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, anyone remember?). Oh well. Academy, humour me.






2008 (c) J. S. Datinguinoo

London, England